Saturday, 20 November 2010


That last post was another part of the thing I wrote for my friend to explain about DID. I sent it to her a week ago and I asked her at the end to please let me know that she's not freaked out by it because I would be worried that she won't want to be my friend after reading it. I haven't heard back from her since so either she is freaked out or she hasn't read it yet. The latter wouldn't be so bad because it is long but at the same time, I can't help feeling hurt because to me it says 'not interested'. So either she's not interested or she's freaked out and doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I know that might not be rational thinking but that's just how I feel at the moment. I asked specifically for reassurance because I know how sensitive I am.

I'm feeling pretty lonely at the moment (yes, even with all my friends in my head). My other friend (I don't have many friends) who is probably the person who would actually mainly qualify as a friend (i.e. the only one of my friends I see routinely), I haven't seen properly in months. I know it's partly been my fault because I was quite depressed for a while and didn't really want to see anyone, but it seems my efforts to get together are never successful anymore. She always has something else more important to do. She has got a new boyfriend now and I guess her time is filled with him. But I saw pictures of her on facebook with another girl who I am friends with too (although we don't meet up much). It wouldn't have hurt for her to invite me to join them would it? She makes a feeble effort to meet up every now and then but it always seems to be that she's trying to slot me into a last minute cancellation in her schedule. I don't feel very valued.

We were supposed to be spending the evening together yesterday and I cancelled my other plans to do so, then she texted me yesterday morning to say she remembered she had a craft class to go to and could we just get a coffee before. I felt pissed off by this. I texted back and asked her to check her schedule and let me know some dates where she'll be definitely free over the next few weeks so that we can catch up properly but I didn't hear back.

I probably sound like an old moan but I am just feeling alone and uncared for.

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