I have been out of my phase of not believing I
have DID since last week! Great news! Although I'm not sure if it's
just a temporary glitch in the what I thought was going to be
permanent 'phase', so I am desperately trying to make mental notes
about what I have been experiencing this week to remind myself that
the others are still in there. It's real alright, even if it feels
unreal. I need to remember that.
I don't know what the trigger was that brought me
out of it, but I don't know if it's a coincidence that two things
occured at work this week which took a bit of pressure off me in
terms of stress levels. One was getting an interview over and done
with that I'd been dreading and the other was a date for training
that I have to deliver being changed to one month later on than I had
planned it for, given me more time to prepare myself. This has
temporarily eased the pressures on me. I am still under huge pressure
but I guess even though small changes were enough to cause a
temporary sudden relief, which maybe gave me more head space to cope
with 'others'. I don't know if that's the cause, but I welcome them
back, even though they bring both emotional and physical pain with
them. It's just reassuring to know I wasn't lying about them before
(does that sound weird: that someone might wonder if they had lied?
Don't people always know if they are lying? Is it just another DID
thing: being so changeable that you don't know what's real or not?).
Just to update on the update, since I wrote that about a week ago, I don't know where things stand now ie if I have gone back into the phase or not. I guess time will tell. I am still planning on talking about the rest of my last therapy session on Monday but seeing as my next therapy session isn't going to be until Friday this week, there isn't any rush to get it down on paper (or text I suppose).
Over and out
4 comments:
Well CC, I'm reading at any rate, and I think it's fine to post every day if you feel like it. I find it can be so helpful to get things out on the blog.
I really identify with the denial problem - I go back and forth on whether the parts are really real also. And I miss them if they stop talking for a long time.
I never think you have lied BTW - you make too much sense to me. Glad you don't think you lie either, at this point. cheers
Thanks Ellen. That's reassuring. I think we are very similar in how we experience parts. I'm glad someone is reading my blog too. i do't know why it matters to me but it does!
I am reading too. My daughter asked me why I lie all the time. Really threw me for a loop. When I found out I was switching and each one had a different opinion, her perspective made sense. I still wonder sometimes if what I remember is real or not. It is confusing. Your blog is yours to do as you feel needed. Seems like people that need to hear your voice usually get to it.
I read, but through an RSS reader, so your stats don't show those people. Keep posting :-)
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