I am having one of those days where I seem to have very little energy. Sometimes I just wake up exhausted and can't seem to get myself going. I might have a list of things in my head that I want to do but the physical oomph to do them is just not there. I also keep experiencing sudden waves of nausea.
Sometimes the exhaustion is mental as well as physical, where any suggestion of what I could or should do, feels like I am being asked to get up and run a marathon. I don't know why this happens. Maybe it is an actual physical problem...some kind of long term underlying virus perhaps?
Or maybe it is something to do with DID. I can't help but wonder if it's my body's way of expressing the impact the bad news of this week has had on me, when my actual emotions about it seem to have switched off.
Does anyone else experience this? It's annoying because I have a day in the house (I'm snowed in) and a million things I need to get done, but after dragging myself out of bed not long ago and very slowly and lethargically managing to pick up some dirty laundry, bring it down stairs and put it in the machine, I then ended up slumped in a chair staring vacantly at the Christmas tree. Sigh.
I feel my mind wanting to drift off and be vacant and requests from my husband (he wanted me to film him playing saxophone in the snow...as you do...) are making me feel anxious and upset because I don't have the energy to do them. Now I feel selfish because I know this is something he really wants and the snow will melt soon, but when I say I'll do it anyway, he now doesn't want me to because he says he knows I don't want to and he's lost his confidence. Sigh. Now the guilt is just adding to the exhaustion.
My T suggested that when I feel this way I should stop trying to force myself to do things and just do what I feel like. This is fine if I am on my own; if the house is a mess and I don't eat that's just my problem, but when you live with someone else it then becomes unequal. My husband is now making lunch and I feel I am not pulling my weight.
Does anyone else experience things like this? Anyone any theories about it?
Hopefully I'll snap out of it soon.
1 comment:
With the Chronic Fatigue I constantly feel like this but that is seperate to the DID.
However even before I had Chronic Fatigue, when I was having a bad time I would get listless - its the best way to describe it. Not only would I be tired but I would have a lack of motivation to even move. I believe this is a common symtom of depression and sometimes symtoms of depression overlap with that of PTSD.
As for your emotions being switched off - its very common for me to disocciate from just my emotions - so I am still aware and functioning just not in touch with how I feel.
For me; I live by myself so like you said - if it doesnt happen I am not letting anyone else down. One thing I used to do is I would tell myself that each day I would do 1 thing and I would feel good that I managed to get that one thing done rather than feel bad about the 100 other things that still need doing. Prehaps you could try something similar if you feel up to it?
Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Tell him that you dont want to be letting him down but this is what you are going through at the moment - when you have mentioned your husband in the past he seems very understanding.
I hope you are feeling better soon. Take gentle care of yourself. Particularly in this busy time leading up to Christmas
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