Sunday, 23 January 2011

Feeling good about co consciousness

I have been unintentionally neglecting my blogging a bit lately. I wasnt very well last week and this week was pretty exhausting being back at work but on the bright side, I have been doing some work with reconnecting with my internal friends and feel as though I'm out of function mode but not in any other desperate state. What I mean by that is that when not in function mode, if I am focussing on whats going on in my head, sometimes it is easy to be taken over by one part and their emotions, so I might find myself becoming very depressed or full of despair or anxious. I feel at the moment I have managed to get a balance so that I am aware of several parts and what they are thinking but without any one more extreme part taking over for a considerable amount of time. This is what I imagine a good outcome might be like for many: being able to communicate with parts and feel them there but not feel controlled by any one. I guess that might be what they mean by co consciousness. Well, thats not to say I think I am better and everythings great and I don't need therapy anymore. I'm just saying, at times like this I feel more hope that one day I might be able to be like this all the time. I am not being naive that I might go downstairs now and something will upset me and cause a big catastrophe resulting in me switching, as it often does, but I don't think it's a bad thing to acknowledge that right now I am feeling comfortable with where I am. I am looking forward to my therapy session tomorrow as well as when in this state I am most able to progress in therapy. I am more likely to have a good insight into whats happening in my head and less likely to dissociate.
Speaking of dissociating, this happened in my session last week and meant my T was able to bring out the box of items I had gotten together for situations like this. I will have to tell you about how that worked out.
But for now, I have to get going and get stuff done. Only three days left until I head on my big adventure around the world with my husband!


MultipleMe said...

This is such a wonderful encouraging post, I am so happy for you Candy! Healing is a slow progress but you do start to have good days and slowly you start to have more good days, and the days last longer.

I hope this continues for you, particularly with your up-coming trip. Have a wonderful time!!

Candycan said...

Thanks. Today's session was very hard and unexpected things came out but I guess maybe in the long run that is a good thing.