Tuesday, 7 January 2014

I see a darkness

I haven't been on my blog much in quite some time for various reasons. I haven't decided not to, it's just not happening. I would like to be doing it but finding words seems quite a challenge.

I just wanted to say a 'thank you' to readers who have left comments and I want to apologise that I haven't responded to each one. It is still encouraging to read comments from people who can relate to my experiences and who find my posts useful and it's always meaningful to me when I read that others can relate.

Therapy is very difficult at the moment. We are having a bit of a prolonged crisis in our relationship and I have no idea how we will get through it. I don't have the words today to explain it but I guess the labels underpinning it all would be 'attachment disorder' and 'transferance'. Depression is with me and my functioning is very low. I have been off work for a while now.

 Maybe once I stop avoiding, I will get something in words. For now, this song says things quite well...

I see a darkness

Bye for now



Ruth said...

Hard place to be. In the darkest part of the woods it is sometimes hard to believe the sun is still shining and the trees will someday thin. Take care. Ruth

Unknown said...

i've been looking out for your posts. i just lost my therapist through an abrupt termination in september because of my attachment issues with her. instead of continuing to work with me, she abandoned me. after 8 years. it's been devastating. i don't know what else you're going through, but i can imagine, at least a little. hang in there. it's tough.

Yo it's me said...

Hi, guys. I know this has nothing to do with this darkness thing but I need help. I kind of told a friend that I have a crush on this guy. So she's one of those people who can NEVER keep a secret and has a hig mouth but she kept insisting.
So she told one girl (ms x) l, who told me my friend told her. I was gonna kill her, but she insisted she didn't say. But ms x said that the other girl told her.
Today, my crush and some other kids who were absent were Doing homework they missed in the locker rom.
My BFF was there and I said 'I have something important to ask you' and it wasn't really but she was goofing around and I wanted her to be serious. So then my crush said 'will you Marry me?' And at first I though he was real. But then he was like 'I thought hat was what you were gonna say' and then I sai dim not lesbian. It was a joke.

Anyway, my crush said to me'I KNOW you like me' and I got so angry and he said 'but I don't really lie, you,... Lest be okay fiends... ' and I was heartbroken and embarrassed and angry and all these different sorts of feeling

Anonymous said...

Hi candy x hope you are ok Im guessing you must be feeling as I have been as iv only come back on here as the run up to xmas and xmas has been difficult and iv struggled to keep all my me's in place and finding t abit hard to talk to for help as one of my me's doesnt trust her nor trust my husband ummm :( so I hope you are ok again as life with did is like this as im realising, im sat here writing this while my husband and his son are talking and I can feel my me's giving them evils and sneering at them so im going to have to go up stairs out off the way to keep us safe xx

Meronym said...

We've been having trouble blogging a lot for the last couple of months, too. Mostly because we've been having trouble in relationships. I find that we blog a lot more easily when we're happy. But a friend asked one of us about the lack of posts, and that got us blogging again for now.

Candycan said...

Hi guys, sorry that I am only replying to these comments now. I wish I knew how to be able to make replies individually to each comment but haven't figured that out yet.

Ruth, thanks for your supportive comments, they are always helpful :)

Yo it's me... sorry I wasn't able to help you. I hope you have figured out the confusing stuff a bit.

Anonymous, did you ever decide to start your own blog? If you do, let me know the link so I can check it out.

MultiMe, I think I'm the same. Blogging helps me when things are going OK-ish but when things go really bad, it can go out the window. I'm off to check out your blog now...