Thursday, 2 December 2010

Fucking angry! Therapy off day and being ignored

I’m fucking pissed off with the world today. Am I too sensitive and slightly paranoid or am I extra perceptive? Either way, I couldn’t help but feel my psychologist was being a bit odd with me yesterday during parts of the session. Maybe she was distracted by something else or maybe I did something that she doesn’t approve of. Either way I wish I had asked.

It’s only happened once or twice before that I felt she was being a bit different and one time I asked her but she didn’t offer anything in the way of explanation or acknowledgement. She probably thought it was just me being weird. Maybe it was. How can I trust my feelings? One part of me says I should trust my judgement because I am good at reading people; the other part says I am just twisting things in my head. Anyway, I just feel pissed off about it. I am nervous enough about being disliked and it’s really hard for me to trust anyone with talking about ‘feelings’ so any sign of not being accepted or believed or cared about can seem like a huge rejection. Maybe she felt I was annoyed with her about something. Maybe I said something that she took the wrong way. Maybe ,maybe, maybe, maybe.....

Anyway, I’m also fucking sick of being treated like I don’t exist at work. Why are some people so fucking rude and ignorant? If someone was speaking to me about something I wouldn’t just stop listening half way through and start talking to someone else. Why does this happen to me all the time? I feel like screaming at people when they do it. It’s just plain rude. I don’t want to be the centre of attention but I feel like I have as much to contribute as anyone else and being ignored just makes me so angry. I wouldn’t be so rude to anyone.

Does anyone else have this problem?

I’ve got a headache and want to punch a wall.

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