tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post3599849990796950440..comments2023-10-23T22:03:55.915+01:00Comments on Candycan and Co...: New psychologist: fifth sessionCandycanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11829509163881070649noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-39305244250840475312012-02-05T17:11:58.103+00:002012-02-05T17:11:58.103+00:00That's great that your therapist can do that. ...That's great that your therapist can do that. I think some therapists think that they must never show any sign of being human and that if they admit they're wrong it will be like some kind of invitation for us not to have any respect for them anymore, whereas in reality it would have the opposite effect.Candycanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11829509163881070649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-38415174434393933112012-02-04T23:57:11.791+00:002012-02-04T23:57:11.791+00:00Wow, while I was reading this *I* felt annoyed and...Wow, while I was reading this *I* felt annoyed and patronized on your behalf. New Therapist did NOT handle this session well at all!<br /><br />One thing I've learned from my therapist is that when I don't like something she says or the way she says it, she listens and puts herself in my place to hear herself and she apologizes. A therapist shouldn't waste time defending themselves, but should try to hear how they may have come off.<br /><br />I'm hoping time will improve the way communication happens for you.<br /><br />I'm catching up on reading so I 'll read on to see what happened.CimmerianInkhttp://www.bipolardid.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-21768413404147321442012-02-01T12:17:39.687+00:002012-02-01T12:17:39.687+00:00Hi C, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog...Hi C, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. I think you may be on to something with her being a rescuer, at least at the moment. Perhaps because things have gone so bad recently she feels responsible for this in a way as she is my new therapist and i've admitted that im struggling because of the change. Maybe she feels she's got to fix it asap. I'm trying to keep an open mind and just bide my time and hopefully she will come to. <br /><br />Ellen, thanks for sounding cross on my behalf. I try to write my posts as they happened and say the bits that i think may be my perceptions so that the reader can judge for themselves if they think im just being a drama queen or whatnot, so its a relief to hear that other people would feel the same way.<br /><br />To Ellen, you are lucky for snow. You could take a photo of it. It snowed a tiny bit here yesterday but [Candy] said she doesnt want it cos we get stuck on the hill. I have a cat called [xxxxxx] and he is real. I showed him my teddy the other day and he got scared and ran away. ha ha. i bet arnold jones must be a great dog. Did you go for a walk today and to the library? I like the library but we never go. i have to go now. Little C is ok too. We made a card for our new psychologist but now we dont like her anymore and wish we didnt give it to her before. [Candy] says wait and see cos we might like her again one day. I like you though. You are a nice friend. Bye <br />Pan<br /><br />Ruth, thanks so much for posting that. I had a read and left a wee comment. Take care.Candycanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11829509163881070649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-46622733883453869212012-02-01T06:48:52.313+00:002012-02-01T06:48:52.313+00:00Candy, I got it written tonight. One of the early...Candy, I got it written tonight. One of the early situations that I had with my first counselor.<br />http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2012/01/starting-counseling.html<br />I hope it helps.Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-49088244678697685902012-01-31T00:58:35.364+00:002012-01-31T00:58:35.364+00:00New Psych sounds terrible and completely unhelpful...New Psych sounds terrible and completely unhelpful. I would be angry also. What a time to start condescending, when you are in a crisis. Honestly. I just don't see the use of practical 'tips' - I'm sure you're bright enough to think of those yourself. You need an honest caring emotional response where you can express yourself freely and find some relief!<br /><br />BTW I think it's great you're reaching out for help during this, more than I've heard you do before. Sad that the help isn't helpful though. Hope you're feeling a bit better by now.<br /><br />HI Pan and Little C,<br />How are you? I am OK. There is snow here, which I like. It is piled on my windows. I'm happy you got an owl. I have a stuffed dog he is called Arnold Jones. Your friend EllenEllenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15741118126298552722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-12325020403781892592012-01-30T21:11:05.580+00:002012-01-30T21:11:05.580+00:00Hello,
I'm new to your blog and have had a rea...Hello,<br />I'm new to your blog and have had a read through of some of your posts. I am a counsellor in training but alas had some things trigger during my studies so training is on hold while I see a counsellor (oh the irony). I dissociate too but have rarely lost time, however I have an interesting 'team' of alters I'm trying to come to terms with. I just wanted to comment on this post. It feels like your new T is trying too hard, she sounds like a Rescuer. We learn very early on in training about our 'Shadow Side' those aspects of us that motivate us into becoming counsellors and one of those may be a desire to rescue people. It was one of my motivations, because I couldn't help my own mother. However, my awaremess of it allows me to stop trying to suggest things to make the client better but to actually listen to the client and hear them. She doesn't really sound like she has done that for you, she sounds like there is something frustrating her. Perhaps there has been some sort of transference, that you have said something or done something which has reminded her of some aspect of herself she has problems with and this is interpreted as a need to rescue you. We're not usually that 'helpful' with suggestions and advice unless you've opted for a cognitive behavour psychologist. Usually we try to establish Roger's Core Conditions, including trusting the client to get to where she needs to be by 'being' with her. This T needs to shut up, listen to you and start empathising. My suggestion? You tell her what she has been doing and that it is not what you want. I hope I would never be lost with a client, but we are all human so i would also hope that my client would tell me I got it wrong. Good luck.<br />C<br />p.s. I am finding Peter Levine's Unspoken Voice a real inspiration.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-45268818167927409712012-01-30T19:23:17.940+00:002012-01-30T19:23:17.940+00:00Pan, thanks. Your comment was helpful. I'm gla...Pan, thanks. Your comment was helpful. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels her way of saying things wasn't great. It just seems so basic really. The more i think about it, the more i'm wondering if I've done something that has put her back up against me. LOL, I can't imagine how a psychologist would react to a comment like yours. It'd be hard to be a 'blank slate'. I'm sure they're used to it though. I'm sure they get called worse behind their backs; at least you were honest (that's what they want, isn't it?)!<br /><br />Hi Ruth, I would be interested in reading about your experience if you posted it sometime. You're right; I can't understand why people would do that for attention. If I was 'just' looking for attention, I definitely would go about it in a different way. In my view anyway, if someone was to make something like DID up for attention, there must be something seriously wrong with them anyway so they probably need helped as much as someone who genuinely has DID. Either way, the person needs input. <br /><br />HI Eliza, I agree that its important for us to realise what each others needs and expectations are. The problem is, I don't feel she listens and she often won't give me a chance to finish my sentences. How can she come to understand me if she won't listen? Can you tell me more about what 'transactional analysis concepts in communication' are? I find this interesting. <br /><br />Archie, you're right, her aim of helping me practically is not helping me. "if there were enough resources you wouldn't have DID in the first place" This is so true! And if I felt supported and like I had someone I could talk through things with, I wouldn't be resorting to less healthy coping mechanisms. She's trying to get me to replace my less healthy coping mechanisms with less effective healthy ones, when a listening, empathic ear would take away the need for any coping mechanisms. I feel like this is just teaching me that I shouldnt rely on her for any support and that I can't trust her.<br /><br />MultiMe, thank you for your view although I don't know that there wass nothing she could have said to help. I think some reflective listening would have helped. The key to motivating a client is to actively listen, empathise and ask questions in a way that the client comes to see their problem in a more rounded way and the solution comes from the client. Telling someone they have a problem and what they could do to fix it usually only increases defensiveness and I am no exception as a client when she does this... especially when I don't feel she has really listened long enough to identify what the actual problem is. You're right though, being able to vent would have been helpful. When I said I found lifeline unhelpful, she disagreed with me and said they were helpful. I felt invalidated. If she had just let me say what I thought and not disagreed I probably would have felt better.Candycanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11829509163881070649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-31431966022655831412012-01-28T17:19:54.531+00:002012-01-28T17:19:54.531+00:00Reading your last few posts about this T and then ...Reading your last few posts about this T and then this one, it seems to me that you may have come into this session so frustrated that there wasn't really anything she could have said that would help at this point. Maybe you just needed some time to be angry and frustrated and vent. It sounds to me like that could be what you need the most at that point.Meronymhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12236547756894952486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-67257624977112999832012-01-28T13:10:53.825+00:002012-01-28T13:10:53.825+00:00Just reading it makes me want to scream! I agree w...Just reading it makes me want to scream! I agree with Just Eliza though that she is maybe trying to contain you and be practical but i don't think that helps you much does it? What made me really feel for you though was that the part of you that wanted to hurt you - wanted you to hang yourself seems so very untouched and cared about.Like you say a third degree burn with a plaster on ot. Lifeline and Psychologist seem to only be reacting to the actions, and going into stupid advice becos what? Frightened? overwhelmed? But how isolating for you and the part that lies awake so late. You also deserve respect for all the ways you manage your pain when you are at work. Don't feel bad for being off work. I had a therapist that never understood when i was off work - saw it I think as her failure to keep me well enough to work. Once said she thought my partner would be cross with her because I was off work! I was really shocked but realised then that she had her onw problems about it. You are more experienced managing you than your psychologist is but I imagaine that feels scary when you are in so much pain. All you write makes sense to me becos I understand the world you live in. But I'm really sorry you are hurting so much. If in your situ right now I would need to work out what's behind it all, the memories etc. For me that's more helpful than a warm bloody bath! I know there's a place for comfort etc, I don't mean to be glib but first you need a safe place to have your feelings out, with someone big enough to cope with it.<br />AS for the resources stuff- I echo your AARRGGHH! It's so hard when people who live relatively 'normal' lives think all the same rules apply to peopel with DID. if there were enough resources you wouldn't have DID in th first place. It wouldn't be necessary. You're having a time when you can't manage easily on shoe string resources by the sounds of it and taking some time off is a good and nurturing thing to do. If warm thoughts and sorrow for your pain helps at all then please fill yourself up on my warm thoughts and sorrow for you right now. And... from all I've read on your blog a belief in you and your strenght.<br />ArchieJustinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17190155604216102081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-35027318232685966372012-01-28T12:28:32.689+00:002012-01-28T12:28:32.689+00:00I wonder if this new psychologist feels that her r...I wonder if this new psychologist feels that her role is to support you in your self-care and resilience rather than work through the difficult feelings and traumatic memories (which should be done in the basis of a trusting and safe relationship). <br /><br />Like you said before, she can't sweep in and take the place of your previous T (especially as T is coming back). It must be difficult for her to know what her role is in your life, for these few months. It certainly sounds like she's struggling with that.<br /><br />I think that no matter what you two talk about, it will take time to suss out each other's expectations and needs. I hope you can find the strength to tell her directly how you feel about what she is asking, because without that feedback, no one can improve. <br /><br />BTW, your session describes some pretty classic transactional analysis concepts in communication (crossed wires). I wonder if your psychologist will be discussing that with her supervisor? Either way, it's worth bringing it up next session.JustElizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08576780670208531276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-53387190456922746472012-01-28T06:30:03.079+00:002012-01-28T06:30:03.079+00:00Your frustration with your conversation with your ...Your frustration with your conversation with your counselor reminded me of an early conversation with mine. It's a fairly long story and if you are interested I can put it on my blog. I come back and read your comments. Running out of resources is a good description of where you are at. It is a hard place to be in. Keep blogging and I will keep commenting. I hope I can do a little to validate how extremely frustrating living with DID can be. One of my medical doctors said I did this to get attention. I screamed at him in my head but out loud I quietly replied that there are easier ways to get attention rather than passing out. Take care. RuthRuthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8576170691178435057.post-83449391156707857702012-01-28T02:08:29.009+00:002012-01-28T02:08:29.009+00:00Candy. I think you reacted remarkably well to this...Candy. I think you reacted remarkably well to this; I think I'd have screamed a barrage of abuse at her and stormed out. (I do have form on the first bit: I once told my ex-psychologist C that he was "nothing but a sadistic head-fucker". I later apologised, but frankly I don't know why; it was true).<br /><br />I'm really not surprised you're pissed off. She may (or may not) mean well, and perhaps she's ultimately digging at something - but she's going about it in a ridiculously patronising fashion. In particular, I can so understand how you felt attacked about her comments on your sick leave; regardless of her intent, she phrased it quite aggressively it seems. I'm no psychologist/psychiatrist, but for what it's worth I think you absolutely made the right choice about work. You're burnt out. You need time to recover.<br /><br />I wish I could say something more helpful :( All I can do is hope that (a) she starts to 'get' you more; and (b) things improve quickly for you.<br /><br />Take care of yourself<br /><br />Pan <3 xPandorahttp://serialinsomniac.comnoreply@blogger.com